I still can't quite believe it: my mother has died, she has been cremated, we have held a wake (yesterday) and a funeral (today), and Victor and I are taking her ashes to the Outer Banks for dispersal next weekend.
She wasn't a perfect mother, but she was the only one I knew. I have been crying all week -- at some moments feeling guilty, and at others feeling relief. Her life had become so constricted.
I was stranded due to a fault in a plane in New Jersey (returning from the sea glass festival) when the hospital told us all to get there ASAP. Fortunately, she held on a bit. I had about 5 hours with her, though she was not conscious and had not been all day. At the end we watched the color recede from her face...I was not prepared for that.
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