"I don't want it"

I cried while driving to school after visiting my mother yesterday. Of course we had elected to have a feeding tube inserted. What we (or what I) did not realize is that it is a terribly painful procedure.

Her face was bright pink, cheeks almost red, and she moaned and said, "It hurts, it hurts" even before she knew that I was there. What she told me when aware of my presence was, "I don't want it."

I shared that we did not know what else to do when she was aspirating anything she took by mouth. She seemed to hear me in the moment. But it turns out that my eldest sister had also shared that information just an hour earlier. And does knowing "why" help with the ghastliness of pain? The nurses said that she would shortly receive a dose of morphine. That's another shock.