On Amy Schumer, May 5, 2015: Do we really want a gaggle of chicks on TV "with obese bellies and Muppet tits?" My obese abdomen, my Muppet tits, were the first parallel that made my jaw drop. My sad body, with its buffalo hump, was depicted under the headline, "What are the symptoms of Cushing's syndrome?"

Upper body obesity with thin arms and legs. Check
Buffalo hump. Check
Red, round face. Check
High blood sugar. Check
High blood pressure. No
Vertigo. Check
Blurry vision. Check
Acne. Occasionally
Female balding. Defs thinning
Water retention. Unknown; don't think so
Menstrual irregularities. Before my hysterectomy, defs
Thin skin and bruising. Half
Purple striae. No
Poor wound healing. Maybe
Hirsutism. I fear my mustache.
Severe depression. Check
Cognitive difficulties. I say Yes, friends say No.
Emotional instability. To an extent
Sleep disorders. No
Fatigue. Check

By my reckoning, that's 12 of 20, from a list that begins with the words, "There is no single symptom shared by everyone with Cushing's...some symptoms occur more frequently than others."

Then, move on to the symptoms that are seen over and over in Cushing syndrome, but don't merit the status of "more frequently." These are the ones that I have:

Stress fractures or osteoporosis
Unintentional weight gain, unrelated to changes in intake or activity
High cholesterol
Straw-like hair
Joint and muscle pain
Vitamin D deficiency
Headaches
Incontinence
Anxiety
Memory problems
Itchy skin
Thin nails
Allergic reactions
Backaches after little activity
Arthritis
Weakness
Poor balance
Dry eyes and skin

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Location:Symptoms