Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Be Good

I keep thinking about what a "good" daughter would do at this moment. Wouldn't a good daughter spend a chunk of time every morning and every afternoon with her mother? I think she would offer intellectual stimulation to head off sinking into delirium. She would read aloud and vocally encourage physical therapy and therapists.

Why is that not what I'm doing? Am I burying myself in homework so as not to have to be there? I do have a lot of homework, but I also have professors who would understand.

The thing is, I question my ability to cope with it. And if this is simple dementia, my idea about heading off delirium may be wishful thinking. ("May be," a different idea from "is.") I don't think it's possible to find out without radical change in my own life, which would need to center on my mother's life -- the same way her life presumably centered on mine 48 years ago.

I have only two weeks of school left; this is the crunch period. Once I am finished, I can give more. I think.

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