Just Want to Cry: Quiz Score

I got a 68 on a quiz today. And I *studied* for the quiz. I had already read all the material. I re-read 15 journal articles in preparation!

I just want to cry. I don't know if this is the effect of my mother's situation, or instead the effect of the vast difference between my use of language, as a former editor, and ABA language, which seems awfully imprecise to me.

Launch Beach

Maybe I should call it Glass Beach. That's why I went. On the day that my mother did not respond to me/to my presence, I went for sea glass to the beach where we launch our dinghy, and where I typically find numerous pieces of sea glass.

I wasn't alone there, so I cut the visit short. I did pick up maybe 30 pieces, including one ceramic piece with a blue pattern.

Obviously, there were obstacles on this and a subsequent visit. Quite unexpected. It looks like the heavy three-bin object washed ashore. It is attached by line to the stone wall. The driftwood 'fence' (lower picture) may have been erected by children playing cops 'n robbers. I hope that it was. What with last year's attempted claiming of our dinghy and the occasional snarky homeowner muttering things, we are beginning to feel unwelcome in the community where we have our mooring.

Buds

These pictures were taken in my yard last week -- before the evil snow fell. It was Vic who noticed these. I have just been too distracted.

We've had gas crews laying new line up and down our street all week. I fear they may have killed off the peony bush that we inherited out front.

Thesis

I forgot to mention(!) that I turned in (a draft of) my thesis. I finished on Wednesday, March 16. I had thought that it was due on Monday the 14th, and that would have been awful because I was still straightening out the References page. On the day that it was due, I tried to deliver it to my thesis advisor, and failed (her office was closed). But I turned it in on Thursday, and that enormous project is finished. It ran to 87 pages.

Hatteras, Hatteras Island

We were supposed to go to New Orleans during May -- my husband's national business meeting was being held there. That meeting got canceled, and so we decided that we are going back to Hatteras.

It has been two years since we were last there! I need to go through recipes to plot out our menus. I need to begin a packing list. I need to start a countdown to departure. I am so ready to get this trip under way.

This time, we are staying the furthest south we have every stayed: in Hatteras, the last community on the island. Hatteras is the point of ferry departure for Ocracoke (next island). Ocracoke is the point of water-taxi departure for Portsmouth (next island, deserted, with astonishing beachcombing). Above are pics of the actual property. It has both a sea view and a sound view.

No More NPO

NPO is hospital-speak for "nothing by mouth." We are not forcing Mom to rely on the feeding tube any longer. It is probable that pneumonia will result, but she is steadfast in hating that tube -- even though she is also in denial about what aspiration will ultimately mean.

This week was a pretty horrible week for visiting. On Thursday, she could not (or would not) wake. She always responds to our voices, but I could not get any response. Once I touched her face, and her eyelids fluttered and she said "I know" after I self-identified, but she often says "I know" to cover her deafness. I felt sure that I was going to get a call in the middle of the night that night.

She was alert Friday morning, but pretty much the rest of the week she was out of it. She wanted to make herself tea, and she kept insisting that staff had "snatched" her as she was walking home, to imprison her in that room.

We visited the Kaplan Hospice House in Danversport. It is a lovely place. But she would have to go off dialysis to be there, and she is not going to opt for that when she is experiencing so much denial about her condition.

Palliative Care

Palliative Care is a not-often-used option with Hospice of the North Shore. It's not end-of-life care, not yet. It's penultimate to end-of-life care. That is what we opted for today.

Mom was very tired and confused when we met at the hospital. We talked about visits over the weekend and where she most wants to be. She knows that she's going to be confined to a bed, no matter where she is.